Friday, June 5, 2015

Fate is a Calamity of Miscalculations




“What numbskull claimed vacations were for relaxation and fun?” I strongly begged to differ .
Our vacation from Texas to New Mexico started out great. My one-year old son, my husband and I borrowed my mother-in-laws Cadillac, since it was a newer and more reliable car then ours.
“What do you mean you didn’t book any reservations?”
“We don’t need them at this time of year. It’s summer.”
That was the beginning of our downfall.
Half way to New Mexico our son took sick, running a high fever, vomiting and diarrhea. We arrived at the halfway mark which was Amarillo and found to our dismay that a huge convention was in town. No room at the inns as they say. Carefully sidestepping I told you so; we decided to travel on to Red River.
I assumed driving once we began the trek through the mountains of New Mexico. I am not comfortable with heights nor do I like two-lane roads where our side could plummet down the mountainside. One hour of driving at a near vertical angle, the rear axle decides to drop off the car just as I am making a curve and flies off the mountain. Both hands glued to the steering wheel, I succeeded to maneuver the car to the shoulder.
“What the heck are you doing?” hubby yelled, startling the baby.
“I’m shoving you off the side of this cliff.” I retorted as I attempted to calm our son down.
At two in the morning my husband is attempting to assess the damage with a flashlight.
 “Finally”, he said, as my husband flagged down a car of drunken young men who promised to call for a wrecker. Realize this was before cell phones.
“You sure they will be able to tell them where we are even if they remember?” Hubby climbed back in and glared in my direction.
Two long hours later, a huge diesel wrecker arrives. “I can take you to the next town but the car goes with me to Angel Fire”.
We arrive in town and find there are no vacancies. The truck driver has been feeling me up the entire trip since I had to sit between him and my husband who was holding our baby. I chose not to bash him in the head since we needed to find shelter for the night, but after several attempts to find shelter, I was willing to throw ourselves at the mercy of the police and spend the night in a cell.
The very last place, nestled at the far edge of the town, was timeshare condos. A young manager, who hailed from Texas, took pity and he let us sleep in his living room and the next day located us an empty condo. I had no sooner unpacked and put my son down for his nap when the owners of the condo show up unexpectedly and we are asked to move. I cried so hard that the owners bought us steaks for moving out of their condo.
Once settled, I took our boy to the only doctor in town.
“What do you mean you can’t write prescriptions?”
“I’m a medic ma’am. Now if your son had a broken leg…”
“My son is running a temp of 104F from strep throat. Where is the doctor?”
He called a doctor in Angel Fire, who after speaking with our pediatrician in Dallas, wrote a prescription and sent it by courier. His immune system didn’t respond to oral medications so I had no choice but to bring him in twice a day for shots.
While my husband was out gallivanting with the manager, I decided to make a nice dinner for us and light a romantic fire in the fireplace. I forgot to open the flue and soon smoke filled the apartment and set off all the fire alarms. The fire department arrived with a parade of squad cars wailing sirens. Once I explained, the patrons were allowed to return to their rooms. A fireman opened the flue and another all the windows to let out the smoke, shaking their heads at what I am sure they considered a dumb blonde stunt.
I continued preparing dinner, when I noticed something small scamper through the kitchen with a duplicate in close proximity. Following virtually in their shadows was a large tabby cat in pursuit. After they collided with my son’s highchair, they set their course for the bedroom. By the time I high-tailed it after them; I realized it was two chipmunks. The romantic gauzy night gown I had laid out a on the bed was now shredded by claws and strew on the floor. The little rascals managed to climb all the way to the ceiling fan with a howling cat jumping on the bed trying hard to reach them. Hubby and the manager came back, trapping all the critters and placing them back outdoors.
The insistent ringing of the phone had my husband running for the rectangle object. Phone in hand I heard my husband exclaim, “Six hundred bucks. It won’t be ready until when?”
We started planning a flight for me. After learning I would switch planes three times, I decided to call work and explain to them I would return as soon as possible.
When the car was returned, we were charged for two tows and the imported wheel axle from Colorado. Broke and beaten, we packed and left. At the halfway point the convention was still going strong so we decided to drive straight home. Several miles out of the large city, our tire blew out. The spare in the trunk was no good so my husband had to hike to a garage and buy a used tire. Took him two hours to get back and the garage didn’t even put it on.
My husband asked me where I wanted to go on vacation next year. I glared at him and responded “My own back yard”.